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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
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There is a rise in obesity in
children
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 and some people believe that it is because of the
government
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 that
this
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 has happened. I,
however
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, disagree with
this
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 statement because
parents
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' and kids' personal choices are the main reason for obesity in
children
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. Family plays an important role in the health of younger
children
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 as
parents
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 decide and cook most of the meals.The food that they are served at home is the responsibility of the parent and not the
government
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.
For instance
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, giving a child chocolate and fried chicken five or six times a week for dinner is definitely going to increase their
weight
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. It is the duty of
parents
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 to make sure kids are fed healthy and home-cooked meals at least 5 days a week. Most of the
children
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 nowadays spent their time at home playing on their phones, watching TV and using social media. They should do daily physical activities to control
weight
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 gain. These will keep them active and help burn calories. They should be encouraged,
for example
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, to go to parks or join physical activity classes like zudo or dancing. The
government
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 cannot control these activities.
Hence
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,
parents
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 are the ones making these choices and it is their job to keep
children
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 on the right track. Other than eating an unhealthy diet and a decrease in physical activity, hereditary is
also
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 one of the causes of obesity. It runs in family, so sometimes it is hard to lose
weight
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 even when the person is dieting, they keep gaining
weight
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 because of their genes. In conclusion, the
government
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 should not be held responsible for the eating choices of a family or child.
Parents
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 and
children
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 both play a major role in these decisions and the result of these decisions affects the child health. But sometimes it is just hereditary where no one is to be blamed.
Submitted by nanno1992 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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