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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The government should encourage industries and business to move out of big cities and into reginal areas. To what extent do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages.

#government #industries #business #move #cities #areas
It is truly believed that industries and
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 should be encouraged to
relocated
Change the form of the verb
relocate
show examples
 out of the cities by the government. Even though there are some drawbacks, I personally think that it will be more beneficial. The negative sides of
construction
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the construction
a construction
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business
 and industries in rural areas are undeveloped
infrastructure
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infrastructures
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, lack of transportation and internet connectivity. Since those are fundamental elements of running
business
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a business
the business
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, the owner will be willing to overcome these obstacles by putting more investment at the starting point.
For instance
, the investor must build up more roads to facilitate their transportation and install the internet connection in the company which cost more expensive than in the cities.
In contrast
, one of the benefits of moving industries out of the big cities is to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse gas emissions. In fact, most
of
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apply
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factories
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the factories
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 produce polluting gas
to
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in
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 the atmosphere which has adverse effects
to
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on
show examples
environment
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the environment
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 and human’s health.
For example
, citizens will be facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lung cancer if they absorb
those pollutant
Change the determiner
that pollutant
those pollutants
show examples
 daily.
Besides
 solving the environmental issues,
this
 initiative can provide jobs for rural dwellers, while they are struggling to get a job.
In particular
, most
of
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apply
show examples
Cambodian
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the Cambodian
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 people is working in Phnom Penh or
neighbor
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neighbouring
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 countries for their family’s financial security.
Thus
,
this
 could be the best opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local people to be employed and citizens to live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clean air environment in the
next
 decade. In conclusion, I
strong
Replace the word
strongly
show examples
 believed that the advantages of
this
 remedy outweigh
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 disadvantages to individuals and
business
 owners.
Submitted by sokuntheary94 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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