Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend?

#people #countries #world #concerts #case

The entertainment industry

have

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has

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changed the way

people

enjoy their free time. They have made several viable options available to us through which

people

can while away their time.

As a

result

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,result

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various youngsters these days

does

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show examples

not prefer to go and enjoy shows or plays. There are several reasons for

this

, which I will brief in the following paragraphs.

Firstly

its

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it's

it is

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the comfort zone that matters to most. Numerous young

people

Correct your spelling

today's

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

world are engrossed in it and they do not want to come out of it.

For instance

, availability of several shows to watch within one touch

such

as youtube, live video or channels etc.

This

engulfs them to sit and enjoy it in their own zone, without

being have

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having

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to travel far.

Secondly

, technological

advancement

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advancements

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

made them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

be deprived

from

Change the preposition

show examples

enjoying any

sorts

Fix the agreement mistake

sort

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of art.

Correct your spelling

Most

show examples

Mostly

Correct your spelling

Most

show examples

youth today are so much addicted to social media that they do not seem to care or encourage anything else.

For example

instagram

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Instagram

show examples

facebook

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Facebook

show examples

twitter

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Twitter

show examples

snapchat

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Snapchat

snap chat

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etc have made

this

generation so busy that they cannot come out of it to appreciate

anythingelse

Correct your spelling

anything else

Moreover

, the stress and struggle in

lives

Correct article usage

the lives

show examples

people

have

also

taken a toll on them which puts them off to attend

such

social gatherings.

However

this

can be combated by following certain measures

such

as; providing free passes, attractive offers on certain deals or free meals provided during the show. As these will eventually attract the youth to attend the shows.

Similarly

, companies or firm's hosting

such

concerts should reach out

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

younger

people

and tell them how it would benefit them by just attending

this

gathering.

This

way they would be encouraged to be a part of the show. To conclude, attending

such

events completely depends on their individual desires.

Hence

this

can be influenced by showing the right track to them.

Submitted by vineethec on Sun Oct 10 2021

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend?

Your opinion

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at a primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages??

There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve better balance?