Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people

Television

has become more common and it has become part of everyone’s life. Some people think that watching

is a way to entertain,

however

, I believe that

may negatively affect society and

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

. The key reason is that

may affect communication.

Television

provides various themes of movies and

shows,

this

makes people start to prefer staying at home rather than leaving home.

This

greatly reduces the chance for people to meet or chat with each other face to face, which may weaken the relationships between them.

Besides

, everyone has different opinions and comments on

shows,

for example

, some friends may quarrel with each other as they have opposite views on

dramas.

This

may affect

friendship

Fix the agreement mistake

friendships

show examples

Correct word choice

and as

show examples

a result watching

Television

may seriously affect people’s relationships and

thus

affect families. Another reason is that children may learn some bad behaviours from

shows. As many

shows contain violence, some immature teens may learn from them.

For instance

, some teenagers may think it is cool to

flight

Replace the word

fly

show examples

with others or smoke after watching actors in

dramas doing so, so they may copy from them.

In addition

, many

shows contain inappropriate words or foul language,

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

may learn those bad words from

and others will think that they are impolite.

Therefore

shows and dramas may cause teenagers to learn some improper activities and vocabulary.

To conclude

Television

may affect the development of children and people’s relationships , so it will

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

negative effects on society and

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

Submitted by chloelwy3905 on Sun Oct 10 2021

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task response coherence cohesion

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Make sure to connect your ideas more cohesively in each paragraph to improve clarity and coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognized as increasing numbers of species come under threat. What can be done to maintain biodiversity? Why is species loss occurring? What is the potential effect of this?

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An increasing number of schools provide tablets and laptop computers for students to use in school, replacing books and other printed materials like exams and assignments. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Government of developing country should spend more on projects (eg new tourist hotel, factories) to improve local economy and less on facilities (eg health and education) To what extent do you agree or disagree

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