Should young children be encouraged to follow strict rules based on their cultural traditions or allowed to behave freely? Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some would argue that youngsters should be encouraged to pursue tough
rules
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based on their historical cultures and
traditions
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,
while
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others believe that they should be treated freely.
Although
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cultural
traditions
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are important because they can affect our family relationships and are agreeable to the majority of the community, I believe that freedom in behaviour leads to increased independence and improves our
society
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. On the one hand, Many
people
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try to breed their children based on their family or historical
traditions
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to preserve their history for many years. Parents think that following other viewpoints leads to ruining their relationships because the strength of family relationships is based on historical
traditions
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.
In addition
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, they believe that if children want to succeed in
society
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, they should obey these kinds of
rules
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because by following these
rules
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, young
people
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are shown better or more normal in sight of
society
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.
For instance
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, Iranian parents think children cannot select their religion by themselves and when they are born they are Muslim and if they change their religion,
society
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and communication do not accept them.
However
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, in point of my view forcing youngsters to follow cultural
traditions
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is not a good idea and they should behave freely.
On the other hand
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, freestyle in treatment is thought to make diversity in culture that leads to improving societies. If young
people
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behave freely, they can reach self-recognition and select the suitable routes in order to succeed than the others who obey their historical
traditions
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blindly.
Moreover
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, they will be independent in the future because they learn to find their way by themselves and it can affect all aspects of their lives like job and personal life.
For example
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, in the United States, young
people
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have freedom and not only does it lead to increased diversity in viewpoints but
also
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leads to improvement in their
society
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because
people
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now learn to respect other opinions. In my opinion, treatment freely and without any forces brings success for both young
people
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and
society
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. In conclusion,
although
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following these
rules
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may enhance our family connections and sight of
society
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, freedom can improve personality and
society
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.
Submitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on

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style
To enhance clarity, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
content
Try to incorporate direct examples or evidence to support your arguments, making them even more compelling.
depth
While your essay discusses both views effectively, deepening the analysis of each viewpoint could make your arguments even stronger.
accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as refining these will improve the overall presentation of your essay.
introduction
You've done a great job introducing the topic and providing a clear statement of your opinion, which greatly enhances the structure of your essay.
organization
Your paragraphs are well-organized, each focusing on a single main idea that contributes to the coherence of the essay.
balance
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, offering a balanced perspective before stating your own viewpoint, which is excellent for task response.
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