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Band 5

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#crime #violence #media #offer #situation
Nowadays there is an upward trend
of
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in
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juvenile
Correct article usage
the juvenile
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 delinquency rate. Some people say
this
 is because
the
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of the
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 flourishing in the
media
 industry which sometimes contains violent content, and
such
 unhealthy contexts can influence immature
children
's
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
 idea and think that it is better to have
parents
' accompanying when
children
 are watching TV or using social
media
;
furthermore
, violent content on these
media
 should be strictly restricted by the authority.
To begin
 with, the
media
 should take the greatest responsibility
of
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for
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 juvenile crime because they spread inadequate information without categorizing their users.
As a result
,
these bad information
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this bad information
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 can easily be seen by
children
 who are mentally immature and have less knowledge to recognize things' right and wrong.
For example
, according to the authority's research, in
Taiwan
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,Taiwan
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 up to 70 per cent of students in elementary
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schools
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shools
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schools
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 will
imidate
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imitate
show examples
 public figures' ways of speaking and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, for just wanting to be like them.
Consequently
, some bad behaviours
such
 as bullying or discriminating can happen in the school or on the internet. In order to deal
these
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with these
show examples
 problems mentioned above,
parents
' accompanying and
a
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apply
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strict censorship from the government will be important all the more.
Firstly
,
parents
 have to spend some time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 TV or browse websites with their
children
, taking
this
 opportunity to assist them with developing the ability to tell right from wrong.
Therefore
, even
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though
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thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy behaviour or speaking has been exposed to the
children
, the harmful effect on them can be enormously minimized.
In addition
 to
this
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
comprehensive censorship from the government is able to effectively curb
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juvenile delinquency because
this
 is the easiest and quickest way to thoroughly eradicate inadequate messages on all kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
. In conclusion, unhealthy
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 from the
media
 should be blamed for encouraging
children
 to commit
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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, and an adequate education from
parents
 and a stringent regulation introduced by the government can ease
this
 problem.
Submitted by champincloud on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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