IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #theatres #sports #stadiums #care #education
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In
this
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 modern world, health and education are the prominent
fator
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factor
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings.
However
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, some opine that
government
Use synonyms
 should spend funds on healthcare and education rather than recreational activities. I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believed
this
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 statement as it allows the learners to keep themselves fit.
Firstly
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, most of the individuals are facing many health problems Like Asthama, Cancer, et-
cetra
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Cetra
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. These deadly problems
has
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have
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 the
coastly
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costly
 treatment that
middle class
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middle-class
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 people can not afford. So, that most of the
peaple
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people
 lose their lives because of not proper medical treatment. If
government
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 authorities spend money on camping medical care in cities that
allows
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allow
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 the people to get the treatment
in
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at
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much
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a much
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 lesser cost as
compare
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compared
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 to private hospitals which are pricey. For
examlpe
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example
, the article was published in Hindustan Times in 2017, the Delhi
government
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 organised the Free eye checkup camp where people could able to get the free eyes operation.
Moreover
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, in
this
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 cut-
throught
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through
 competition, students are more worried about their future. The
scholers
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scholars
 can achieve their desired level but the average student
find
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finds
show examples
 more
difiiculties
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difficulties
 in
acheiving
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achieving
 the same. So, they
tends
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tend
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 to get the admission in private colleges or universities which are too costly as compared to
those
Change the determiner
that government college
those government colleges
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 college. So,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should focus on
this
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 system because there are many students who
does
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do
show examples
 not have enough money to continue their studies. To exemplify, higher authorities can make the law in which private
schoold
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school
schools
 should include about 10-15% of their seats reserved for
government
Use synonyms
 quota. So, that one
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 a chance to continue their studies. To conclude, I firmly
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
believe
 that higher authorities should spend more funds on healthcare and education apart from other entertaining building as it helps the needy one.
Submitted by imchaitanyamehta on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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