IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #diet #school #parents
In
this
day
, families are careful about health
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 for their
children
.
Similarly
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people began aware
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
eating
Change preposition
in eating
show examples
 food, which can affect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and influence danger for
children
.
This
day
 is healthy
life
 will be
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of today’s family learning to their
children
 in
this
day
, and many of people think the efficient role of school to learn their students. In my opinion, I agree that they should be introduced
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
. It is clear that today the enhance their healthy
life
 will be influential to
way
Add an article
the way
a way
show examples
 of
life
, and it will be futile without awareness from parents.
This
 is because parents are live with their
children
 and
interactive
Replace the word
interact
show examples
 with them many times on
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
.
As a result
, parents should be making
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
 for
diet
Add an article
a diet
the diet
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
 and enhance their quality of food.
For instance
, can
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 cooperate with nutrition doctors to improve their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and acknowledge them for eating
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
However
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people disagree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 and
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 believe there is
role
Add an article
a role
the role
show examples
 for
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
. As well as, the teacher must
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
talk about healthy pattern
life
 for their
children
 and encourage them to participate the fitness classes to improve their body.
For example
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 of schools can add a new curriculum in their study to awareness
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sports and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
 way. That will be
a ground rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
ground rules
a ground rule
show examples
 for
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 their ability. All in all, considering the learn about healthy
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 in important
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in
this
day
. I believe is the parent’s role is most important to learn them to be in good healthy
life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the many
children
 in
this
day
is interact
Change the verb form
is interacting
show examples
 with their family most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
. Especially, after
coronavirus
Add a comma
,coronavirus
show examples
 many
children
 stay in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Submitted by arch.mohammedzaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: