IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #society
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In contemporary life, the reduction of population in developed countries is considered as the consequence of
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 rate of marriages. There has been increasing an idea that better for people under the age of 30 to
marrige
Correct your spelling
marriage
 which is
brough
Correct your spelling
brought
 benefits to personal life and the society. In my perspective, I strongly agree with the statement and the essay will explain the major reasons and provide relevant examples. On the one hand, establishing
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 before 30 years old is reasonable.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, that
Correct your spelling
definitely
defintly
Add a missing verb
is defintly
show examples
 the golden time for giving
births
Fix the agreement mistake
birth
show examples
; according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
, several experiments show the elder
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women have
pragant
Correct your spelling
pregnant
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher proportion of down syndrome for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
. Indeed, having family in
this
Linking Words
 age group would
instintly
Correct your spelling
instantly
 desire to mature and develop their careers in order to be the best pattern for their
childrent
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children
.
Hence
Linking Words
, those
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 people will try the best of
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to enhance their living standard which
significant
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significantly
show examples
 boost the movement of the whole parts of
country
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the country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the family pressure
undeniable
Add a missing verb
is undeniable
show examples
 for young adults in certain features. In modern life,
ambious
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ambitious
youngster
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youngsters
show examples
usally
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usually
dream
Change the verb form
dreams
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 to pursuit some of
achievements
Add an article
the achievements
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 in their passions.
On
Change preposition
In
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 other words, those dreams might stop
in
Change preposition
for
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 a long period of time after the wedding, especially with
Add an article
a female
the female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
who have to sacrify their ambition and fall to take a noble responsibility as mothers. In terms of breadwinners, the financial problem is a huge issue with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 nuclear
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reliable supports for relatives. Luckily, the governments lay a hand to support
this
Linking Words
 situation
such
Linking Words
 as free education in public school, huge discount in medical care for both mom and kid. In conclusion, the advantages
getting
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 married before 30 years old is appealing including the maturity of attitude and supporting the country's development.
However
Linking Words
, the sacrifice is considerable which need to gain the attention of extended family and society.
Submitted by huyvuive2001 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fertility
  • Maternal health
  • Psychological stability
  • Social maturity
  • Economic benefits
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Ancestral customs
  • Cultural imperatives
  • Personal development
  • Career establishment
  • Societal norms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Divorce rates
  • Life decisions
  • Subjective wellbeing
What to do next:
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