At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adult #people

It is true that nowadays the number of teenagers have been increasing in some parts of the world.In my

opinion

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,opinion

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a good

society

has more young

people

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

several reasons. On the one hand, having a community

accupied

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occupied

with a lot of

eldrly

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elderly

can

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cans

show examples

leads to several problems. When

people

become old they will be less patient and curious about new innovations. So, if a new version of

car

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the car

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was manufactured to be more

environmental

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environmentally

show examples

friendly and automatic, older

people

might still want to use their older car and they will not have any passion to buy

this

new

verion

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version

versions

vehicles

Fix the agreement mistake

vehicle

show examples

. Apart from

this

, these individuals receive

pension

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a pension

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as they have retired already.

Thus

, not only they are not a productive member of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sociey

Correct your spelling

society

but

also

they are mostly users . The chance of serious diseases

such

as Alzheimer might be more in these ages,indeed. Their children ,

then

most

Correct your spelling

must

show examples

take care of them,

otherwise

, governments should consider

Remove the article

apply

show examples

some solutions to facilitate their life.

On the other hand

, a country with more adolescents has more chance of economical and other aspects of

the

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apply

show examples

growth

. If a proper investment is done

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show examples

this

part of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

, they can make the future of their country better.

For example

, In India

Correct your spelling

government

goverment

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the goverment

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has started to invest

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show examples

their young citizens, and it is estimated that in the following 5 years ,

this

country will experience

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apply

show examples

considerable

growth

in terms of economical

growth

By contrast

, unfortunately, in

Iran

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,Iran

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a high proportion of

geneous

Correct your spelling

generous

genes

graduates have started to migrate to

another places

Replace the adjective

another place

other places

show examples

in search of better life quality and more wages. Teenagers

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

keen on following

Correct article usage

the lastest

show examples

lastest

Correct your spelling

latest

show examples

news,trends and fashions.

As a result

this

community is more lively with more motivated

people

.They can help money circulation in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

and deter

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

inflation. They mostly have to work to earn money to pay their basic necessities

such

bills

Change preposition

as bills

show examples

and taxes. So, they can

be consider

Change the verb form

be considered

show examples

much more productive. In conclusion, I think a

society

with more innovative and

energitic

Correct your spelling

energetic

youngsters has a more chance of

prosperious

Correct your spelling

prosperous

and

growth

in different fields.

Submitted by s.ghodrati75 on Tue Oct 12 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

356 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is , therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others argue that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both those views and give your opinion.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for spots or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.