IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #level #crime #society
The amount of violence is becoming increasingly popular in every society. To decline the number the criminal activities, the government must be responsible and limited the scene in film and T.V. I completely agree that communities should be aware of the
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 influence. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the connection between media and crime's rate.
To begin
 with, the number of bloody movies is increasing gradually.
Moreover
,
people
 consider actors and actresses as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
, they imitate their performance, actions and lifestyle.
For example
, Game of Throne a movie base on killing and stealing. It is overrated, a lot of
people
 from different countries and various group ages. If young or adult
people
 keep watching it, they think it is normal.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 some movies
such
 as
Roben
Correct your spelling
Robin
 Hood, the main character used to steal from rich
people
 and gave it to poor
people
, or stole a ladder from tall men
then
 gave
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 short women.
Thus
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will consider Roben as
hero
Add an article
a hero
the hero
show examples
 and they will try to be
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 him.
As a result
, the rate of criminals will increase and society will get hurt.
In addition
, a lot of films show that education and morality
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 essential and illustrate a bad person as a protagonist. If you want something, you will take it by force.
For instance
, a movie
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
called a Green House, compared
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a person that complete his studies
in contrast
 with the one who broke the law. To sum up, films and T.V have
a harmful effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
harmful effects
a harmful effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, they rose the number of violence, so
Add an article
the
show examples
government have to keep an eye on these works.
Submitted by fatmahaleesa on

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