IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that family is more important than friends. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #friends
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It has been significant debates about choosing between
friends
 and family. In recent times choosing family over
friends
 has created a major impact on society. In my opinion, family plays a very important role but they are
also
 a strength of any person’s
life
. At
first,
there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of benefits associated with having family in comparison to
friends
. They provide us with mental and emotional strength whenever needed, and will stay with us in good and bad times.
For example
, parents or other close relatives sacrifice their happiness and in some cases their priorities in terms of giving a better
life
 to their children.
Besides
 they are the ones who care for us, love us and guide us to be better people in
life
.
Hence
, no doubt, we can live without
friends
 but not without family.
Furthermore
, we can choose our
friends
 but not family, they come and pass by
according to
 situations.
In addition
, at some level, they can be a bad influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
life
. To exemplify, in our daily
life
, we can find numerous
friends
, who would always like to point out our bad things rather than encourage achievement. In these cases, family always stands with us and leads us to success by giving real advice. Family,
therefore
, not only support us mentally but
also
 financially in hard times.
To sum up
, the family plays an irreplaceable part in every individual’s
life
. They stand with us in our emotional time, by giving care and love.
Thus
, family always outweighs
friends
 at any time.
Submitted by jaimini2000 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your argument is developed evenly. Minor grammatical errors and some undeveloped ideas appear throughout the text, making it seem somewhat rushed. Try to provide clearer topic sentences and further development of your ideas with more detailed illustrations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing paragraphs with clear central ideas that are expanded through the use of examples or explanations. The essay lacks some coherence between ideas, and the transitions could be smoother. Pay attention to the logical flow of information and argument throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • support
  • unconditional love
  • shared values
  • mutual understanding
  • trust
  • emotional well-being
  • interdependence
  • societal norms
  • companionship
  • loyalty
  • advice
  • experiences
  • mentorship
  • trustworthy
  • reliable
  • reliable
  • cherish
  • strengthen
  • deepen
  • attach importance to
  • prioritize
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