IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
Health problems are one of the most important issues facing us today and
children
’s
obesity
 is no exception. Many people claim that the government assumes responsibility for childhood
obesity
 .
However
, to my way of thinking, I disagree with
this
 statement because
this
 child health problem is to blame
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
parents
 and child personnel. On the one hand,
parents
' choice is one of the main reasons for the overweight.
Firstly
,
parents
 have a poor choice of diet for their kids. Undoubtedly,
parents
 give
low-fiber
Change the spelling
low-fibre
show examples
 diets to
children
such
 as greasy dishes.
Moreover
, they give adolescents permission to comfort eat.
Children
 are allowed to eat bigger portions than they need.
On the other hand
, childhood
obesity
 consists of kids’ personal.
To begin
 with,
children
 have unhealthy eating habits. After school, they usually grab a snack on the go to satisfy their cravings. Alternatively, adolescents lose control over their eating behaviour.
In other words
, they have a habit of eating large amounts of processed food or drinking too many sugary drinks.
Secondly
, lack of physical activity is to blame for
obesity
 among
children
. For the most part,
children
 have a sedentary lifestyle. They usually stay at home to watch television or to play games.
Therefore
, very few calories are burned and are stored by the body as fat. In conclusion,
parents
 and
children
’s decisions are to blame for kids being overweight.
Nevertheless
, it is not an unsolvable problem. In my opinion, it is necessary that
parents
 make a fuss over
children
’s eating habits and lifestyle.
Submitted by Như Hảo on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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