IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government should control the internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #control #internet #cyber-crime #safety #users
In today's world, the
Internet
 plays a significant role in people's lives, especially in teenagers'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It can lead to
cyber-crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
 and security if young people recklessly share more private information on online platforms. It is more than a personal problem. Companies can
also
 be attacked because of
cyber-crime
.
Therefore
, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the government should control the use of the
Internet
 so that it could decrease issues regarding
safety
 and crime.
Firstly
, it is apparent that most people access online platforms
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than in the past because of the
Internet
 and developed technology.
Due to
 easy access, some
users
 have not been careful
while
 using online platforms.
For example
, some teenagers usually update their real-time locations on Instagram.
Moreover
, they might unintentionally post their personal information that should not
post
Wrong verb form
be posted
show examples
 in public. So, online
users
 can get into harmful situations
such
 as robbery and deception. The government should take responsibility for
this
 matter.
Secondly
,
in addition
, there are numerous
cyber-crimes
Correct your spelling
cyber crimes
show examples
such
 as hacking. It is not only about the personal
safety
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
users
, but
cyber-crime
 can affect the bigger area.
For instance
, some employees might click the link which leads virus
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their computer system
then
 they get hacked by the hacker who releases the virus. There are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important data of the company in employees'
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 so those data can
lose
Wrong verb form
be lost
show examples
.
Thirdly
,
according to
 several problems, the governments should play a role in the control of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Internet
. They should limit the age of
users
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some websites or applications which are inappropriate for some ages
such
 as content about violence.
Additionally
, governments should closely monitor online
users
 to ensure their
safety
 and increase the comfort of citizens. In conclusion, I personally agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the government should carefully control the
Internet
 by limiting the ages and monitoring. It can ensure
safety
 and decrease
cyber-crime
.
Submitted by 00x on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to further support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and strong connection between your ideas in each paragraph to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion present.
task achievement
Well-structured main points with supporting arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measure
  • cybersecurity protocols
  • hacking
  • identity theft
  • online scams
  • sensitive information
  • critical infrastructure
  • privacy
  • freedom of expression
  • government overreach
  • censorship
  • international cooperation
  • jurisdiction
  • innovation
  • digital economy
  • public education campaigns
  • legislation
  • private tech companies
  • government surveillance
  • civil liberties
What to do next:
Look at other essays: