IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some say that because many people are living much longer , the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably . to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#say #people #age #work
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Nowadays, some people argue ,
Use synonyms
life
Add an article
the life
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 expectancy of many individuals
are
Change the verb form
is
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 higher . So
there
Replace the word
their
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 retirement
age
Use synonyms
 from their job should
also
Linking Words
 be increased . According to my opinion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that the people's
age
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 at which they retire from
work
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 should not be raised ,
i
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I
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 totally disagree with their argument
First
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 and foremost ,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 after a certain
age
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 should not be able to
work
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 effectively . To illustrate , when a
person
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get
Change the verb form
gets
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 old ,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 efficiency to do
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 has been decreased and
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 population will be more effective in doing that jobs as compare to older ones .
In addition
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 , it leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unemployment .
For instance
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 , even though if the old
person
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 get
retire
Add the particle
to retire
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 from their job , many seats are free for toddlers to join but if they do not retire , youngsters will not be able to get any post .
However
Linking Words
, nobody can beat the experience of oldsters .
Elder
Add an article
An elder
The elder
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Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 should have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to spend
time
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 with their family . To demonstrate ,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, a
person
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 do
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 in most of their
life
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 and do not
hace
Correct your spelling
have
 enough
time
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 to spend with their love ones , they should have right , when they get older
then
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 they can be at home with family members .
Moreover
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 , they should have a chance to enjoy and collect good
wibes
Correct your spelling
vibes
wives
wines
 in their
life
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 . As they are totally
induged
Correct your spelling
indulged
indulge
 in their
work
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 for whole day and night , they are tensed about their responsibilities , they have
time
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 to visit their friends and relatives and to be free from all responsibilities and tensions . In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 oldsters are not able to
work
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 in a perfect way as they did when they were young , they have some
time
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 in their
life
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 to spend with their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones . I totally disagree with the people's opinion who thought that the
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement should be increased .
Submitted by kiranghuman43 on

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