One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, thanks to the developments in
medical
Add an article
the medical

The noun phrase medical field seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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field,
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are now become
Change to the active voice
now become
have now become

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb become in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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stronger and they are expected to live longer.
This
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phenomenon has raised
a
Correct article usage
the

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question of whether we should
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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keep enhancing in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

field or not. Personally, I side with the opinion that medical care should be improved since I believe that the advantages of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development surpass the disadvantages.
First
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of all, there are many positive impacts
about
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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improved medical services.
First
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of all,
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are now capable of curing many fatal diseases that we could not in the past. Back
then
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, operating a surgery is extravagant and rates of success
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject rates. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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not worth mentioning. But now, many advanced machines and high-tech machines are installed for the patients
with
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at

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a more reasonable price than before.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, doctors nowadays are experienced and most of the time, their
diagnosis
Fix the agreement mistake
diagnoses

It seems that diagnosis may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are precise so that they can give to
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the appropriate medicines for their conditions so they are able to live longer. But it is vital to look at both sides of the problem. The increase in life expectancy might be the main cause
to
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of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the increase in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment

The noun phrase unemployment rate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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rate
in
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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all over the world since there are many elderly in our society.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, members in many families will have to pay for the amount of money spent on medicine for the elderly which may affect the income of the family. In conclusion, even though there are many negative impacts on improved medical care that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should
Correct your spelling
bear

The word bare doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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bare
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bear

The word bare doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in mind, I still assume that the advantages ff
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development outweigh the disadvantages.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
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