IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society ? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, it is apparent that an increase in
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 among all age
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 has become the main threat, which has adversely affected residents and communities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both effects and some sensible solutions to the concern will be discussed in the following paragraphs. There are two impacts of rising in an
expectancy
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 include the mental healths for individuals and high rate of unemployees for society.
First
Linking Words
 of all, when
people
Use synonyms
 expect to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better well-being like other successful persons, but they cannot secure the goal, they will be disappointed and underestimate themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, sometimes I experience low self-esteem as I compared myself with others in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socail
Correct your spelling
social
 media, who have
luxuary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 cars, big houses, and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
beautiful girlfriends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the youth in z generations,
freshy
Correct your spelling
fresh
freshly
 graduates aged between 22 - 25 years old, expect to have a good income and valuable jobs. To illustrate, after they start working with a company for less than a year, they resign and change to the new job, which some of them cannot find a better job and being
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, many
graduate
Change to a plural noun
graduates
show examples
 stay at home with their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 income. As
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effort to
deminish
Correct your spelling
diminish
this
Linking Words
 issue, the authorities should promote the way of sufficient
life
Use synonyms
 to make
people
Use synonyms
 satisfied with themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Thailand, the government try to promote the sufficient economic theory, established by the former king, which the content is about living with the necessary factors and share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, doing meditation can alleviate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 because when meditating individuals will help
people
Use synonyms
satisfied
Add a missing verb
be satisfied
show examples
 with themselves, and do not need any
accessory
Fix the agreement mistake
accessories
show examples
.
life
Use synonyms
expectency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 can be reduced by those processes. In conclusion, an increase in
life
Use synonyms
expectency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 is a major
problems
Change the noun form
problem
show examples
 happening in many developed
countried
Correct your spelling
countries
 across the world.
However
Linking Words
, promoting the media and doing meditation
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to be satisfied with
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
, which eventually, decrease the
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by prokoh_ja_555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: