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Band 6.5

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#doubt #globalisation #world #people #business #nations #criticise #progress
Globalisation
 has certainly brought the
world
,
people
 and businesses together. There are some
people
, who judge
this
 progress. I completely agree, that
globalisation
 has developed our
world
 and has made it a whole big place and a market. First of all,
globalisation
 has an essential part in the modern era and has many advantages.
As a result
, you can spread your country's culture across the
world
. Product Shipping and Delivery are one of the key points of it. From the websites that are available today, it is convenient and reliable to order a product from any place in the
world
. It is especially helpful for small businesses and startups.
This
 means that with social media, they can introduce their product to the whole
world
. Websites like Amazon and
Ebay
Correct your spelling
eBay
 are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of
this
. Even though some
people
 may think of a scam, most of them are secure and reliable and there are systems, that can guarantee compensation.
On the other hand
, globalization has
also
 affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nations. Travel and airlines have made
globalisation
 more developed and easy to use.
This
 means, that everyone can travel and see the
world
 and see other nations.
Furthermore
, there are vehicles
such
 as trains, cars, bikes, etc. All of these enable
people
 to move and explore the
world
. In conclusion,
globalisation
 has many benefits and from my point of view, it is unnecessary for
people
 to judge and complain about it. It is developing every second and will bring the
world
 closer than ever before.
Submitted by sosokhurtsidzee on

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grammar and style
To enhance your score further, consider incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility. This can add sophistication to your argument.
content depth
While your essay provides good support for your points, diving deeper into counterarguments or providing more nuanced examples could help enhance your argument's comprehensiveness and depth.
introduction and conclusion refinement
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion strongly encapsulate your thesis and main points. While your conclusion nicely wraps up your argument, refining your introduction to more directly address the prompt could improve clarity.
task response
Your essay effectively outlines the benefits of globalisation, providing a clear stance which aligns well with the task.
coherence
You've done a commendable job in structuring your essay, with a logical flow from introduction, through main points, to conclusion.
use of examples
Using examples like Amazon and eBay to illustrate your points makes your argument more tangible and relevant to the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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