IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parent should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parent #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are two controversial views about how to teach the young generation to become a good society member, while some consider that mothers and fathers ought to bring their children up, personally, I believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 are a better option.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view and support them with reasonable examples. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the
first
Linking Words
 people children see in their lives.
This
Linking Words
 explains why kids are close to their
parents
Use synonyms
 and prone to listen to them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every child is likely to share their inner world with their
parents
Use synonyms
 and trust them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children tend to imitate their guardians as they count them as their role models. According to the results of one survey conducted in primary
schools
Use synonyms
, more than 50% of pupils think of their
parents
Use synonyms
 as true heroes.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is simply the responsibility of every parent to raise a well-mannered child who will make them proud.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advocates of other opinions claim that
schools
Use synonyms
 can provide more benefits to students in terms of a proper upbringing.
Firstly
Linking Words
, education institutions hire only highly-certified specialists in that field. They may easily find the individual approaches to every student and treat them equally.
Secondly
Linking Words
, peer environment in
schools
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 able to teach pupils
such
Linking Words
 valuable things as sharing with others and empathy, which is less possible for single kids to learn in their families. In conclusion, both sides have sensible arguments.
However
Linking Words
, it seems to me that pieces of evidence provided by proponents of
schools
Use synonyms
 overweigh those of
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zaukenkhazhy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • instilling
  • mimicking
  • social norms
  • ethical behavior
  • citizenship education
  • societal expectations
  • interpersonal skills
  • collaboration
  • diverse environment
  • microcosm
  • communication skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: