IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention
Crime is on the rise in many countries, and many citizen's feel that the governments should be held responsible for its prevention, whilst others feel that individuals are responsible for themselves. In
this
 essay, we shall discuss points of view. On one hand, governments are responsible for the safety of their citizens. Each year they invest heavily in
this
 sector because if it is not taken seriously, their natives will choose to live elsewhere, thereby damaging the economy of the country.
Secondly
, with the amount of advanced technology at their disposal, they will have easy access to every nook and corner of the city, especially with the introduction of CCTV cameras in major cities.
This
 coupled with the constant policing of the streets, helps to keep a sense of calm among people.
Secondly
, citizens should
also
 be responsible not only for themselves but for each other.
Although
 taxpayers are independent of each other, the fact that we are all citizens of the same city should have some meaning.
For example
, in Philadelphia, a woman was raped whilst riding a local subway, with many people watching and recording the act on their phones. In
such
 an event, if the police are not present in the vicinity of the crime, it is our moral responsibility as human beings to look out for one another. In conclusion, whilst the administration has to assume primary responsibility for its individuals, we as a society
also
 have a responsibility towards each other, to ensure our safety.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: