There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some claim that globalisation has played a crucial part in creating a favourable environment in which individuals can communicate, and do business across borders with other
countries
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. I totally agree with
this
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viewpoint because it allows the world to be more integrated and exchange cultures with each other.
Firstly
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, with the help of news channels and social media,
people
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are more aware of the events happening around the globe.
This
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is to say, that not only these platforms are built to attract audiences of different regions, but
also
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to keep
people
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in touch with the information.
Moreover
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, these resources allow investors to gather data about lucrative businesses and
also
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provide the latest insights about recent trends so that policymakers can make informed decisions.
For example
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,
according to
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a report published by the Guardian newspaper almost 60 to 70 per cent of
people
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around the world believe the news media because these sources are trustworthy and reliable.
Secondly
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, the interconnection of
people
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from various
countries
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opens the path for intercultural exchange.
Furthermore
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, not only these they help in developing harmonious relations among individuals, but
also
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help in promoting cooperation between
countries
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.
For instance
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, the European Union has formulated an easy border policy to promote trade and cultural diplomacy. With the application of these policies, different nations have achieved economic prosperity. In conclusion, despite a few exceptions in the world where
countries
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cannot get
along with
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each other, the overwhelming majority of nations want to develop healthy relationships with other
countries
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, and
for
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this
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reason, I agree that it is imperative to have relations among states.

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Task Achievement
Try to refine your arguments further to ensure each point explicitly supports your main thesis on the benefits of globalization. Some details seem a bit general and could be better linked specifically to the topic of globalization.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the second body paragraph, the sentence structure can be simplified for better clarity. Avoid using 'not only...but also' in a complex way to keep your ideas clear.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to review your essay for minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings, such as 'not only these they help...' which should be corrected to 'not only do they help...'. This will enhance overall readability.
Positive
The introduction clearly states your stance on globalization, setting a firm foundation for your essay.
Positive
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, showing an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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