IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extend do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
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People
Use synonyms
 have always tried to improve themselves by following the actions of somebody they admire, depending on the aspirations
each
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have. Nowadays, Internet has made
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 that any person can make their daily routines public, and for famous
people
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 to show how they live and interact outside scenery.
This
Linking Words
 is not exactly positive for
kids
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 that are just starting to learn about
life
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 and how to organize their time.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, watching the daily actions of celebrities can make
people
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 believe that
this
Linking Words
 is how everybody should be living, spending money and buying expensive products.
Kids
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 will easily believe that whatever the person they admire does, is what they should be doing as well, requesting for purchasing articles to their parents that they probably will not need and will become a useless expend.
Similarly
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, popular
people
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 usually intend to achieve what they consider
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 standard of beauty and make it look like appearance is the only important thing in
life
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. For
kids
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 that are only starting to learn what to believe or not, is not good to see how some persons recognize somebody's value because of his or her looks.
In addition
Linking Words
, to see the
people
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 they admire doing activities they like might make youngers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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care more about following another's
Correct your spelling
lives
life
life's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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on screen
Add a hyphen
on-screen
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 than living a
life
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 on their own. Staying connected to
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 devices can make everybody
to
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apply
show examples
lose the track of time and waste it
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the day for being
on
Correct your spelling
onward
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ward
Add an article
the ward
a ward
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 of another person's activities. Infants are in an age of learning and expanding their knowledge and the best way to teach something is by showing examples. To aim
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
life
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 that does not correspond to us can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 adults and even more for
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. Luxury and beauty standards are topics that only an adult can decide
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 to follow or not and they should not be exposed to
kids
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 without an adult's guidance.
Submitted by miguelfloresb2021 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
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