IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

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Since the
environment
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 is one of the integral in the world so, Humans have a lot of responsibility for maintaining
nature
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.
However
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, sometimes people have bad behaviour with the earth that can cause damage to the
environment
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. In my opinion, governments have crucial rules to solve these issues. I am
also
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 convinced that society should do some positive acts in
order
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 to have a beautiful
nature
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. It is my view that the first thing that governments should do to tackle
this
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 problem is eliminate deforestation so as to use timber for producing goods. Deforestation not only damages the forests but
also
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 destroys animals’ habitats and it is a threat to endangered species.
In addition
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, organizations can use security guards in places
such
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 as jungles, beaches and mountains in
order
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 to preserve the
environment
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.
For instance
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, a ranger can protect the forest against smugglers and hunters who always cause trouble for
nature
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. I
further
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 believe that people can do kind of things to protect the world. The first thing is that commuting by public transportation in
order
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 to reduce traffic and
also
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this
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 behaviour can impact pollution and decrease it. Followed by declining pollution can preserve the Ozone layer- a layer that protects the earth against harmful radiation-
furthermore
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, it maintains the
environment
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.
Thus
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, individuals must buy recycled goods in
order
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 to keep important resources.
For example
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, they are able to utilize recycled wastes
such
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 as bottles, plastic and paper that can be them in other different ways. In conclusion, it is true that governments are responsible for preserving
nature
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. In my perspective, individuals by using recycled products and transport by bus or train are able to protect the earth.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph discusses only one main idea and use linking words effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points. Examples that illustrate consequences of actions on the environment would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some of the sentences for better reader understanding. Revisit sentences that seem too complex or convoluted and simplify them.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear, and you have provided a general overview of the issues and your stance.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the primary points discussed in the essay and reinforces your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic well and provided sufficient detail about what governments and individuals can do to protect the environment.
task achievement
The examples used, such as deforestation and using public transportation, are relevant and enhance your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollution: contamination, emissions, pollutants, industrial waste
  • Deforestation: habitat loss, biodiversity, urban development, logging
  • Climate Change: greenhouse gases, global warming, fossil fuels, renewable energy
  • Overfishing: unsustainable, fish stocks, marine ecosystems, conservation
  • Waste Production: non-biodegradable, plastics, recycling, waste management systems
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