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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

There have always been statements saying that the responsibility of providing students with a healthy diet is on educational establishments
while
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 others argue that families are advised to incentivize their children to consume food
that is
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 beneficial to their health.
However
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, in my opinion, I absolutely approve of the former perspective. Allowing schools to take control of the children’s diet brings about several benefits. First of all, children will be informed by well-experienced and knowledgeable teachers who are not only skilful in delivering useful information but
also
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 are able to combine compulsory subjects with essential competencies.
Furthermore
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, the majority of pupils nowadays spend their time in academic departments especially when they are overloaded with school
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Because of
Change preposition
For
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 these reasons, educational organizations play a vital role in contributing
students’
Change preposition
to students’
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 meals throughout their daily lives.
This
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 is analogous to the fact that Science teachers associate their lessons with
lifestyle’s
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lifestyle
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 importance so that learners might have the ability to create personal diets. Considering fathers and mothers can somehow take care of their
offspring
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offspring's
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 nutrition because of certain factors. Despite lacking scientific knowledge, various parents are found to be aware of the importance of a healthy diet in children’s health
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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 them to have the tendency of doing nutritional research in order for their kids to avoid harmful junk food. Another explanation is the reliance that children have on their parents when it comes to health which will have a massive influence on them even in future contexts. Being well informed with a basic understanding, teenagers have better possibilities of purchasing beneficial products
as well as
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 getting away from oily dishes.
To conclude
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, issues
such
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 as mutual trust between educational departments and learners may affect major decisions but I still strongly agree on the positive aspects of
this
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 support so as to have a balanced and healthy working life.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments about the roles of schools and parents. This will enhance the clarity and relevance of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You may want to improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stated in your introduction, which reflects your stance on the topic. This gives your essay a strong foundation.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a solid understanding of the issue and presents both perspectives clearly, which shows a balanced approach to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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