IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the causes of this? Do you think this is a good or bad thing?

#people #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 want to have a youthful
appearance
Use synonyms
 and try to hide their real age. In my opinion, if
people
Use synonyms
 try to look younger without using dangerous methods it is good for them,
this
Linking Words
 is a natural desire for humans. The main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 want to possess a youthful
appearance
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 to attempt to prolong their life and postpone death. Usually, the younger a person looks, the fewer he or she has
health
Use synonyms
 problems. There are different approaches to how to be younger: some try to be younger due to a healthy diet and sports but others start to use plastic surgery. It is obvious that If a person has a healthy lifestyle and try to keep good physical and mental conditions, they will look younger than others.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays more
people
Use synonyms
 resort to
such
Linking Words
 measures as plastic surgery which can be dangerous for
health
Use synonyms
 and even can lead to death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the fact that being younger is an adequate wish, in the modern-day,
people
Use synonyms
 follow celebrities in the media and compare their
appearance
Use synonyms
 with themselves.
This
Linking Words
 trend affects negatively physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
 because in pursuit of an attractive youthful
appearance
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can harm themselves. They have to understand that the photos from the internet do not depict real-life and famous
people
Use synonyms
 are not ideal. To sum up, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a good wish to look younger
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
people
Use synonyms
 use approaches which can help to improve their
health
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is not bad, if some measures of plastic surgery apply in moderation and have no risk for
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by paramoshka24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: