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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are deciding to focus on their career rather than having children. Why they decide to do this? What are the possible impacts this may have on the society?

An increasing number of individuals are deciding to concentrate on their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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instead
Linking Words
 of having
children
Use synonyms
. The primary reason why they chose
this
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 they want to get ahead in their career and the possible impacts on society are decreasing
population
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 and increasing
economy
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. People are focusing more on their
career
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careers
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 rather than having
children
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 because they want to get success and achievements so that they can spend a good life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, men and women can give better performance if they don't have
children
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Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
Linking Words
 they are mostly awarded by promotion and good increment in salary.
For example
Linking Words
, according to a survey by a newspaper, Canada is a country where most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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immigrants don't want
children
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 until they started earning a handsome salary. The possible effects of deciding no
children
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 by married couples are decreasing the
population
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 and increasing
economy
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 because if people don't want to have
children
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, it will decrease the
population
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 in the particular country.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 government would have
less
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the less
a less
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 economical burden and
thus
Linking Words
economy
Use synonyms
 will be increased.
For example
Linking Words
,
Vatican
Correct article usage
the Vatican
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 is a European country
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 is less populated and it has a powerful
economy
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.  I'm conclusion, people are focusing more on their work or job rather than having
children
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 because they are very ambitious and want to achieve a successful life.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 it can cause
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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population
Use synonyms
 and
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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the
Change preposition
in the
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economy
Use synonyms
.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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