IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #art #galleries #charge #admission #fees #entry
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Nowadays,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of students study visit
to
Change preposition
apply
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museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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. There are few
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 charge admission fees while some are free. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 we will discuss how charging fees has more pros than cons. The biggest disadvantage of charging
money
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 while going to
galleries
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 and
museums
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 will be that lower society of people will not able to visit these places too. A poor person earns very little wage per day and in that
money
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 only he has to feed his family. So, How will he and his children even think of going to picture
galleries
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? It will be hinder for them to visit these places. Another disadvantage is related to the
first
Linking Words
 one, When these children will not be allowed to enter
art
Use synonyms
museums
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, they will not be able to enhance their knowledge in these fields.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will not be able to explore their mind as a study that a child mind gets more evolved by visiting places like
museums
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 and
galleries
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.
However
Linking Words
, I think advantages have outnumbered the disadvantages as charging
money
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 will help in many ways.
The
Correct your spelling
They
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 charged
money
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 will be used to make these
galleries
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 and
museums
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 more embellished.
Also
Linking Words
, With that
money
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, more and more new unique pieces of
art
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 will be bought and will help in exploring and expanding these
galleries
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 and
museums
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. When youth will come to see these distinctive paintings and other items it will enhance their creativity of thinking. To conclude, I would say that
although
Linking Words
, there are some demerits for poor people if we charged fees
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the merits are more like dart
galleries
Use synonyms
 will be made more extraordinary as well as new ideas of painting will help in exploring unique ideas in minds od individual.
Submitted by anash.suhail on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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