IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Watching television is bad for children”

Recent
Change preposition
In recent
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 years, the majority of parents are
Add an article
an employee
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they can afford insufficient
time
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 for their
children
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. They encourage their
children
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 to spend more
time
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 on
television
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 for entertainment purposes, but it was said that
television
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 has bad effects
for
Change preposition
on
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children
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, which I will elucidate in the following. When
children
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 were watching
television
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 for a long
time
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instead
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outdoor
Change preposition
of outdoor
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 activity, they started to gain weight and
therefore
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 diseases regarding overweight would appear in the future. Lack of activities would
also
Linking Words
 cause emotional sicknesses like depression and stress. A child who spends most of his
/
Use synonyms
her
time
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 inside the house might have diffidence.
This
Linking Words
 person cannot communicate with other people.
Consequently
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, he
/
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she cannot express her
/
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his problems or opinions. After a while, he
/
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she is ignored and becomes disappear.
Moreover
Linking Words
, watching
television
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 would distract them from learning. Child education should not be replaced by the least activities like watching
television
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. The majority of
television
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’s programs are not acceptable for young age and they are not considered as erudition subjects, which
children
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 should be taught. A surfeit of
time
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spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on TV might impede their level of energy and changes them
to
Change preposition
into
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an indolent persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
an indolent person
indolent persons
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.
As a result
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, they are apathetic regarding outdoor activities like taking classes, which is integral for their life. Some researches show that
children
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 who spend more
time
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 on TV are less eager toward learning new things than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 do not watch TV. These
children
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 enjoy experiencing new skills that would be grouped as vocational abilities. In conclusion, I agree that watching
television
Use synonyms
 is bad for
children
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.
Children
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 should decrease
this
Linking Words
time
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 and assign it to their education in order to prepare
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
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them self
Correct your spelling
themself
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 for future roles.

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