IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Watching television is bad for children”

#television #children”
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Recent
Change preposition
In recent
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 years, the majority of parents are
Add an article
an employee
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they can afford insufficient
time
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 for their
children
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. They encourage their
children
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 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 for entertainment purposes, but it was said that
television
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 has bad effects
for
Change preposition
on
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children
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, which I will elucidate in the following. When
children
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 were watching
television
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 for a long
time
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instead
Linking Words
outdoor
Change preposition
of outdoor
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 activity, they started to gain weight and
therefore
Linking Words
 diseases regarding overweight would appear in the future. Lack of activities would
also
Linking Words
 cause emotional sicknesses like depression and stress. A child who spends most of his
/
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her
time
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 inside the house might have diffidence.
This
Linking Words
 person cannot communicate with other people.
Consequently
Linking Words
, he
/
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she cannot express her
/
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his problems or opinions. After a while, he
/
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she is ignored and becomes disappear.
Moreover
Linking Words
, watching
television
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 would distract them from learning. Child education should not be replaced by the least activities like watching
television
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. The majority of
television
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’s programs are not acceptable for young age and they are not considered as erudition subjects, which
children
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 should be taught. A surfeit of
time
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spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on TV might impede their level of energy and changes them
to
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into
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an indolent persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
an indolent person
indolent persons
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are apathetic regarding outdoor activities like taking classes, which is integral for their life. Some researches show that
children
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 who spend more
time
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 on TV are less eager toward learning new things than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 do not watch TV. These
children
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 enjoy experiencing new skills that would be grouped as vocational abilities. In conclusion, I agree that watching
television
Use synonyms
 is bad for
children
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.
Children
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 should decrease
this
Linking Words
time
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 and assign it to their education in order to prepare
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
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them self
Correct your spelling
themself
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 for future roles.
Submitted by zbafshar92 on

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