Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #imp

It is thought by some people that

children

should be motivated by their

parents

to participate in organised group activities in their leisure time,

while

others disagree, stating that

youngsters

have to make their own decisions.

This

essay will discuss both aspects of

this

phenomenon and provide a logical conclusion.

Although

equipping

children

with a chance to decide on a desired activity is important, I believe that

this

decision should be controlled by

parents

. On the one hand, adolescents can face challenges associated with hesitation.

Firstly

parents

are the people who exactly know what would be beneficial for their

kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

show examples

For example

, if one is not sure about his or her abilities in a certain field, experienced

parents

can launch their

children

on the right path.

Moreover

,by attending organised group activities they can broaden their horizons and get a lot of new information.

For example

, some organised groups that consider travelling would help

youngsters

to learn more about a variety of overseas cultures and traditions.

On the other hand

, there are numerous perks of allowing

children

to engage themselves.

To begin

with, persuading

youngsters

to take part in any kind of activity can put undue pressure on them. To move on to more details, it is essential for kids to do what they really want.

Otherwise

, deprived of motivation, they would have no desire to engage in a boring yet advantageous organisation.

However

, if they are given an opportunity to select a desired field, they will indulge in their passion,

thus

reducing stress levels.

To conclude

, some individuals believe that

children

are not mature enough to make their own choices and should be supported by

parents

whereas

others think that

youngsters

must learn how to occupy themselves. I believe that

parents

should promote their

children

in order to provide them with a chance to get to know the world better.

Submitted by chtpstmy42 on Sun Jun 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion. However, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that you could refine to improve clarity.

task achievement

You effectively address both aspects of the prompt, and your arguments are logical. To strengthen your task achievement, ensure to elaborate a bit more on each point and provide a little more detailed examples or evidence.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and help in framing the entire essay logically.

task achievement

You have provided a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cooperation
communication
teamwork
structured activities
belonging
enriching environment
self-reliant
imagination
creativity
overprogramming
spontaneity
unstructured time

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right. Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Computers and A.I technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influ-ence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?