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Band 6.5

There are many benefits for young people who travel to other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #countries
It has been over decades
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since transportation by planes has emerged. Many
people
 use air transport
instead
 of travelling by ships or trains for many purposes,
such
 as relocate their place, holiday break in others
countries
.
Moreover
, in the present, due to the decreasing cost of air transport, many young
people
 have travelled to other
countries
 to open their world or views. According to
this
, some say that
this
 travelling will be beneficial for those young
people
. The following paragraph will be discussing my agreement.
Therefore
, the conclusion has been reached.
To begin
 with, I agree with the statement because the following reasons.
Firstly
, I believe that
this
 will make young
people
 realise what they want to do in the future or live in what
country
 that they have visited.
Secondly
, they will have more experience than young
people
 that have stayed in their
home
country
 because all
countries
 provide a different experience.
Lastly
, about the culture, they will have a chance to learn other cultures, languages and what local lives how it differs from their
home
.
In addition
, there is a chance for these young
people
 to grow more than stay in their
home
country
.
This
 will make them know how to deal with problems that happen by themselves because once they choose to travel to other
countries
, they need to live by themselves.
Moreover
, it will make them be the world citizen not just only their
country
 citizen which is an essential thing for them if they want to do something in the future, they will not stick in their
home
country
 but go for their fortune in others nation.
For example
, every
country
 have different policies and regulations,
this
 will make them know which
country
 suit their thing that will be done in the future. In summary, I believe that the former and latter paragraphs have been provided with all of the reasons why it would be beneficial for young
people
 to travel to another
country
.
Submitted by satoshi.nmtd on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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