IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
These days, one of the most debatable issues is the best age for retiring
people
 from
work
. Some groups believe whereas the life expectancy has been increased more than past,
people
 can
work
 longer than they do now proportionally. I tend to disagree with
this
 view and the reasons behind
this
 will be discussed
next
 in
this
 essay.
First
 of all,
people
 have not the same capacity of energy to
work
 for a long time,
furthermore
 in many cases after age 50 can be seen many health problems which cannot let them put all their effort in their jobs, plus one of the most considerable points would be the pension or income after retirement which helps them to support some medical expenses or other costs of living without attending at
work
.
Secondly
, some
people
 want to start their own business after retirement which needs more time and money than they will be got it after
this
 process.
Last
 but not least, working with old ones can diminish the efficiency and functioning, so companies prefer to substitute them with fresh young ages. Despite what has been discussed, the benefits of working in a place for a long time cannot be denied. As a matter of fact, in most cases, the
first
 occupation that
people
 used to
work
 at, can be
such
 a blessing which brings many advantages,
for example
, some accommodations and services that employers can take from their
work
 while they are working or many other positive features,
for instance
, connecting to other
people
 and learning from them and communicating can make
people
 feel more useful. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that may some advantages in
this
 issue can be counted but the disadvantages are worthwhile to consider, so I believe
this
 idea should deliberate in all levels and dimensions.
Submitted by s_bokaee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: