Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people assume that if workers are able to be better at their
work
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, they should be given at least a 4-week holiday each
year
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by employers. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
idea
hence
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I think
that is
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the suitable way for staff to improve their
performance
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. On the one hand, some individuals believe that taking a
month
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month's
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leave of absence can disrupt
work
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, especially when the company is facing challenges and critical issues that require the contribution of multiple
employees
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. An
employee
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's absence during
such
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times can have serious consequences, including the company's inability to resolve problems
while
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still being obligated to pay the
employee
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's salary as per regulations.
This
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places a significant burden on management and hinders the company's growth and success in the future.
On the other hand
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, having a four-week holiday entitlement each
year
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will bring some positive impacts for both employers and
employees
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. First of all, staff’s
performance
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may be more effective when have a month to recharge every
year
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. If workers are sick are have problems with their
health
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, they can use that time to relax or restore their energy.
As a consequence
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, when they feel relaxed and come back to the workplace, they will be more creative and effective.
Secondly
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, unless having twenty-eight days of vacation time per
year
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,
employees
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are not able to focus on their
work
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to gain the most effective
work
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productivity,
due to
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their difficulties related to their own families or mental
health
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. A significant personal loss,
such
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as the death of a parent, can have a profound impact on an
employee
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's mental
health
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.
This
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can manifest in various ways, including reduced concentration, increased irritability, and decreased motivation. These factors
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only affect negatively
work
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performance
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but
also
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contribute to a decline in
overall
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productivity. In conclusion,
although
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many people think giving
employees
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at least a 4-week holiday a
year
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can not make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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better at their jobs.
However
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, I think that employers should provide their staff with a minimum of four weeks' annual leave to enhance
employee
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performance
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Linking Words
due
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apply
show examples
to
helping
Wrong verb form
help
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about staff’s physical and mental
health
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.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
Try to address both sides of the argument with more balance. While you have presented both points, the essay could benefit from expanding and providing more depth to the counterarguments, giving it a more well-rounded view.
coherence cohesion
You could enhance coherence by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly and guide the reader.
task achievement
You presented a clear and relevant position on the topic, aligning with the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a proper introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main arguments effectively.
supported main points
You supported your points with specific examples, which strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rest and recuperate
  • Increased productivity
  • Mental health
  • Enhanced creativity
  • Problem-solving
  • Reduced burnout
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work-life balance
  • Long-term benefits
  • Motivated workforce
  • Mental space
  • Extended break
  • Employee performance
  • Healthier workforce
  • Ample time
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