IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that all popular TV programmes should aim to educate viewers about improtant social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #programmes #aim #viewers #improtant
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Nowadays it is very common to hear from
people
Use synonyms
 that it is hard for them to get sufficient sleep.
As a result
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, they suffer from a lot of physical
health
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 problems
as well as
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 mental
health
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 issues.
Therefore
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, making
people
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 aware of the detrimental
effects
Use synonyms
 of the
lack
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 of sleep and the importance of following the same sleep routine are the most effective solutions.
To begin
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 with,
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 night’s sleep is one of the most important factors for maintaining
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle.
Lack
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 of good quality sleep can cause multiple problems not just in the short run but in the long run as well.
Further
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, it has very harmful
effects
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 on the immune system of the body which helps
fighting with
Wrong verb form
fight
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 diseases.
Moreover
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, it increases the amount of
stress
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 in the body which in turn reduces the body’s ability to recover itself.
Consequently
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,
this
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stress
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due to
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 insufficient sleep leads to innumerable incurable diseases.
However
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, there are many possible solutions available which can help improve the sleep cycle. Among all, the first and foremost is to make
people
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 aware of the significance of enough sleep and how it can badly affect
the
Change the word
their
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overall
Linking Words
health
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 if not taken seriously.
For example
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, most youngsters don’t know about the adverse
effects
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 of
lack
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 of sleep and
as a result
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, they don’t pay much attention to it.
Moreover
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, as per the study conducted by the Harvard
research center
Correct your spelling
Research Center
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,
people
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 who have the same sleep routine
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 are less susceptible to
stress
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.
Therefore
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, it is very important to have the same sleep routine.
To conclude
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, not getting adequate sleep can lead to a number of
health
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 problems and decrease the body’s ability to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
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with
stress
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. Spreading awareness about
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
effects
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 of
lack
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 of sleep and developing
Correct article usage
a
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sleep routine can definitely help solve the issues caused by it.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the given topic from the very beginning to maintain a strong focus on the task. Your essay began by discussing the effects of lack of sleep before connecting it to the educational role of TV programmes.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples or studies to support your points. While you mentioned a study by the Harvard research center, providing more detailed examples could make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on smoothly transitioning between paragraphs with phrases that link your ideas, this improves the flow of your essay and makes your argument more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review the topic question to ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt. Align your introduction and conclusion with the central argument of the essay to make your position clear.
Structure
You provided a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helped in making your essay cohesive.
Task Response
Your essay presented a clear stance on the importance of sleep, which addresses part of the task's requirements effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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