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Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
Recently, full-time
education
 has attracted widespread discussion in the public, and some
people
 advocate that young
people
 should receive full-time
education
 at least until they are 18 years old. For
this
 view, I totally agree with it, because
education
 is an essential part of
people
. It is true that there are some drawbacks for some young
people
 to receive full-time
education
 before they are adults.
Firstly
, some teenagers are not good at studying and they think it is a waste of money and time to stay in school all day.
For these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 adolescents, having received basic skills and common
knowledge
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can work in factories
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 require less professional
knowledge
 to earn a living.
Secondly
, it is difficult for some poor families to support all their children in school for a long time, which will heavy their economic burden. In fact, maybe a short-term skill training that enables these young
people
 working in factories is the appropriate way to improve the quality of living of themselves and their family. In spite of these demerits, I believe that young
people
 could better receive full-time
education
 until they are at least 18 years old. Primarily, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social and science develop, young
people
 need to learn more theoretical
knowledge
 than ever before to adapt to modern society.
For example
, since a lot of work skills will become outdated in a few years,
people
 need to mastery enough theoretical
knowledge
 to make them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ability of self-learning in their life
instead
 of learning the skills
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 exclusively.
Additionally
,
although
 full-time
education
 will bring about some financial pressure, they can obtain a decent job and return in the future when they become well-educated
people
. In a nutshell,
although
 there are some difficulties for some young
people
 to receive full-time
education
 for
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 least time, I believe that the young
people
 and our society will benefit from adequate full
education
.
Submitted by zh.shiyong on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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