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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in their advertising, business nowdays usually emphasise that that their products are new in some way why is this like? do you think it is positive or negative development?

#business #nowdays #emphasise #products #development
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In the twentieth century,
company
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companies
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 and
corporation
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corporations
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 attach
to
Change preposition
apply
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a
Remove the article
apply
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great importance to
publicize
Wrong verb form
publicizing
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 their
products
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. The advertisement aimed to persuade
people
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 to purchase the
products
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 by emphasizing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
brand
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a brand
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 new
feature
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features
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 that special
goods
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 have. I believe
this
Linking Words
 approach has both positive and negative
aspect
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aspects
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 on industry and
people
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, so in
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
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 I will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
this
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 type
publicity
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of publicity
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. In terms of
drawback
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the drawback
a drawback
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 of introducing
products
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ax
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axe
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 a modern and cutting-edged, the effect on the consumerism should be taken into consideration. To illustrate, the majority of
people
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 have a tendency to use
of
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apply
show examples
leading-edged
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leading-edge
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products
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 and technology even if the old tools
is
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are
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 still effective.
This
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 means that the organizations focus on advancement and
state-of-the art
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state-of-the-art
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characteristic
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characteristics
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 to exhort customers the needs for these
goods
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.
Consequently
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, the old version of
goods
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 will be dumped as litter,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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this
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 would cause
the
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a
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 large amount of trash adding to previous pollution problems. All in all, the publicity by emphasizing
on
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apply
show examples
new features correlates with consumerization and litter problem.
On the other hand
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, organizations by informing
people
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 about new options of
device
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devices
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, give them
great
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a great
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 opportunity to
selecting
Wrong verb form
select
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products
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 based on their needs whereas
people
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 in the past, did not have access to full information about gadgets.
Linking Words
Moreover
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,Moreover
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 the
state-of-the- art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
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 features which has been added to new brands bring more convenience and
prosperous
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prosperity
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 for customers
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because these are equipped
by
Change preposition
with
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 modern technology and tools.
For example
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, modern
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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smart phones
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smartphones
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 have leading-edge technology for photography which able
people
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 to telephone and camera
as
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at
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same
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the same
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 time.
Linking Words
However
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,However
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 in the previous years, individuals had to carry out heavy photography tools to take photos from their trip.
Thus
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, new qualities and hyping those bring more comfort to our life. To conclude, the new publicities focus on the brand new qualities that would cause the increasing trend in the consumerization,
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however
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,however
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 it can have
worthwhile
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a worthwhile
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 influence on the prosperity of
people
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. If the promoter just
use
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uses
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this
Linking Words
 approach without considering
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
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 of
people
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 in their new
goods
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, we will see just increasing consumerism.
Submitted by poorzamani_zp on

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