IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays we are witnessing a rapid increase of population in urban areas which leads to residing in premises with little or no outdoor
space
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In my opinion, it is certainly a negative aspect for a few reasons. The
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 issue might be the lack of social and physical activities. To be more precise, if there is not enough outdoor
space
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 or literally no
space
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 at all, it will definitely deprive families of having leisure time
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as spending their get-togethers on a fresh area or relishing food alfresco.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the USA parents
tend
Add the particle
totend

It appears that the verb play should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

show examples
 play basketball with their offspring or to make barbecues at weekends and on national holidays.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, not only will
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 neglect have an adverse effect on dwellers’ frame of mind, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it will break the practice in the local communities. Another detrimentally influenced by
space
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 deficiency factor is farming. Undoubtedly, some individuals particularly seniors are fond of cultivating organic food in the area where they live. To illustrate, products like vegetables and fruit are quite costly in some northern
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts

It seems that part may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 of Russia.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in order to supply green food for
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 winter citizens maintain a garden, yet without enough
room
Add a comma
,room

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase without enough room. Consider adding a comma.

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 they are denied
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 opportunity.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people will start having problems with their
dietary
Replace the word
diet

The word dietary doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 and health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions

It seems that condition may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 which will undeniably deteriorate
sense
Correct pronoun usage
their sense

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 of place in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society. Taking all aspects into consideration they point me to the conclusion that under no circumstance should the rapid population growth negatively affect people’s place of living in order to retain wholesome surroundings in the world.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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