You live in a small university town. Last week, you drove big city about two hours away to buy a new laptop at a good price. You worked on the laptop all week and finished writing a long assignment that is due shortly. However, this week, the laptop doesn't even switch on. Write the store.In your letter. • Tell the store where you live and what happened • Explain the problem with the laptop • State what action you would like the store to take

#university #town #week #city #two #hours #laptop #price #assignment #doesn #switch #store #action

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing

this

letter to express my dissatisfaction regarding the laptop that I bought recently at your store.

To begin

with, I live in a small town which takes 2 hours to your city. So, transportation is difficult for me.

Also

, I could purchase a DELL laptop, which was a proper device for my tasks, and

initially

, I was delighted that I could buy it with a full warranty. Unfortunately,

this

week on Saturday, the laptop switched off suddenly.

However

, I used it successfully for a week

due to

my assignments. I think the power button does not work properly. I would like to request that you fix the button.

However

, I am willing to inform you that it would be a great idea if you replaced it with a new one, as I have a full warranty for my device. I am eagerly looking forward to hearing your response to

this

matter. Best Regards, Ali Pazoki

Submitted by ali.pazoki72 on Sat Aug 17 2024

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task achievement

You provided a complete response to the task, clearly mentioning your issue and the action you would like the store to take. To achieve an even higher score, you could provide more specific details about the laptop model and the exact nature of the problem, which would make your letter more comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Your letter is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which enhances readability. For further improvement, consider using more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

task achievement

You maintained a formal and polite tone throughout the letter, which is suitable for this type of correspondence.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are appropriate and add a professional touch to the letter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

160 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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