IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend?

#people #countries #world #concerts #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent days, youngsters prefer to entertain themselves at home,
instead
Linking Words
 of going out to join live concerts and plays.
This
Linking Words
 is
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of isolation year due to
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 situation in the world and the cost of the performances. Adults would be highly interested to attend these events
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if funding and support from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 be better. The prior reason why concerts and plays are no more interest children is the excessive amount of fresh entertainment offered by social networks. To be more precise, in the past only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 things
such
Linking Words
 as TV programs,
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
 to the radio and reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 were available.
Thus
Linking Words
, they preferred going out to see performances and share their experience with others. Today,
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
show examples
 world offers
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
 time pass, where millions of video genres
available
Add a missing verb
are available
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 YouTube for free and with just a click.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sharing experience by streaming something with someone else
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
 due to new technologies.
Hence
Linking Words
, young people prefer to spend their money on comfortable leisure,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 on overpriced activities. In the years ahead, there are tremendous opportunities for government to make scholars
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
contribute
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 performing arts. The simplest example would be the authorities
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that schools have adequate space and finances in the curriculum for acting and music classes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sponsoring communities in their activities could encourage young people to give more attention to the shows. Coupling these two solutions with discount tickets for concerts would lead to
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on the overall situation. In a nutshell, adolescents
entertained
Add a missing verb
are entertained
show examples
 by their smartphones at home rather than spending budget on performances. To encourage them, governments should fund those arts so more active participants would be on the shows.
Submitted by sabina.tazhibeko on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: