violence media will lead human to dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on the society.

7.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

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Introduction

Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that violent

media

Use synonyms

will lead humans to a dangerous future, while others disagreed with

this

Linking Words

idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on society. In the following paragraph, both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

Linking Words

. From my point of view,

people

Use synonyms

act from their movies,regardless of what they see on the television. So if someone is intent to do harm to somebody, it not because of the violent

media

Use synonyms

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

, but due to their characters and education.

Although

Linking Words

it is generally considered that violent

media

Use synonyms

and

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

accustom viewers to cruelty, I doubt

this

Linking Words

opinion, In my view, reasonable and intelligent

people

Use synonyms

treat others humanely irrespective of what they see or hear in fictional stories.

Body paragraph 2

Moreover

Linking Words

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

and TV sets may even reduce violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness.

In other words

Linking Words

, truculent

people

Use synonyms

may fight in visual reality instance evincing their combative spirit in the real world.

this

Linking Words

may not only help these

people

Use synonyms

but

also

Linking Words

reduce the level of social violence from a long-term perspective.

Finally

Linking Words

, despite,most claims and assumptions about the negative effects of television and

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

I have never seen any proven connection between violent

media

Use synonyms

and illegal activities in social life.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I think violent

media

Use synonyms

and TV sets have no influence on

people

Use synonyms

’s behaviour. TV sets and

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

are not the main factors that shape personal characters, and they even are useful in reducing the level of violence.

Kris1412_pany

Nov 10, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

7.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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violence media will lead human to dangerous future, while others disagreed with this idea and claim that it has no damaging effect on the society.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder.Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.