In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The advancement of science, medical technology, and social warfare leads us to a longer lifespan. Alas, some people argue that
this
phenomenon is not a positive development as senior citizens are a burden for the authority, while
others believe that this
has abundant benefits. This
essay will discuss how the growing population of elderly people
Firstly
, the ageing community gives us a clear depiction of a significant incline in global health conditions. For example
, decades ago, Indonesia experienced a severe shortage of health workers and used to have a 60-ish years life expectancy before significantly growing to 71 years old recently because of better medical equipment and doctor availability. Hence
, we can conclude that the disease prevention and disability rehabilitation measures march towards the right direction. Therefore
, senior society is an effective benchmark to see the collective well-being of the country
's residents.
Secondly
, productive elderly folk are contributing to the country
's economic growth as many of them are still capable of working, while
others are unable can stay in the retirement homes, which opens a great number of job vacancies for younger generations. For instance
, the elderly community may need nurses, caretakers, as well as
home-cleaning services, resulting in absorbed labour and unemployment reduction. Other than that, productive senior citizens will not need any financial aid from the government since they are capable of having a job. Thus
, older generations are beneficial for the country
's financial stability either way.
To summarise, the senior community depicts the citizens' wellness quality and contrary to popular beliefs, plays an impactful role in reducing employment as well as
contributing to the country
's economic growth. Therefore
, the abundance of elderly people brings more merits than downsides.Submitted by pink panther on
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Task Achievement
Expand on the disadvantages of an ageing population to provide a more balanced discussion as per the prompt. The essay tends to focus more on the advantages, which might skew the task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the essay structure and flow of ideas. The current structure could be enhanced with clearer topic sentences and transitions.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. The essay would benefit from concrete examples that illustrate both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to enhance the readability of your writing.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...