Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievement #sets #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The identity of

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

personality which was always a

debateable

Correct your spelling

debatable

topic now has

been become

Change to the active voice

become

show examples

more controversial with many claiming that

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they are renowned only for their economy and look which lead to

myraid

Correct your spelling

myriad

dire consequences to teenagers,while

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

reject

this

Linking Words

notion.I partially accord with the given notion and the upcoming paragraphs will shed the light on the points in profound

details

Fix the agreement mistake

detail

show examples

. Analysing the statement and explaining

further

Linking Words

there are numerous things against the provided statement,but the

first

Linking Words

and foremost is that before reaching

this

Linking Words

position these people going

threw

Correct your spelling

through

show examples

the hard phase of their lives in order to win

this

Linking Words

state and as an outcome,being a

deligent

Correct your spelling

diligent

person they not only

admire

Change the form of the verb

admired

show examples

by the teenagers but

also

Linking Words

their rules and regulations are followed by the youth to make themselves capable for

theris

Correct your spelling

this

theirs

deastinations

Correct your spelling

destinations

destination

.Another striking factor in

this

Linking Words

regard is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

a boost to

civilization

Add an article

the civilization

a civilization

show examples

of a nation along the worldwide is observed as well by the assist of celebrities.

For instance

Linking Words

,a survey,which was monitored by the national youth congress of India,in 2020, found that from the inspiration of Manushi Chillar who won the

Correct your spelling

title

show examples

tittle

Correct your spelling

title

show examples

of Miss world in 2019,the interest of girls from divergent backgrounds was increased by 70

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

in case of

modeling

Change the spelling

modelling

show examples

. Probing ahead,one of the main underlying

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

stems from the fact that due to the dearth of maturity,juveniles are more

attaract

Correct your spelling

attracted

attract

towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

illegal activities,

for example

Linking Words

,it was observed that

mostly

Replace the word

most

show examples

young children

prefered

Correct your spelling

prefer

to use the pistol or

anonter

Correct your spelling

another

weapons after watching the action movies.What is more,the acting standard talent of eminent pupils might be standard or below, but they make sensation to

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

by showing their wealth and fancy lifestyle. To infer,

accrording

Correct your spelling

according

to the deliberation aforementioned above,I reach on a

coclusion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

that

although

Linking Words

celebrities

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

a crucial role,

many a times

Correct the article-noun agreement

many times

many a time

show examples

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

activities seems

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

mainly for the young

Correct your spelling

children

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

Submitted by HMP on Wed Nov 10 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
In some countries,owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a possitive or negative situation?
It is stated that some nations, in spite of live in a rent house house ownership is uttermost important factor for individuals. Due to the high inflation house prices are increasing tremendorously. Accordingly, they believe that it will be a great investment. In my opinion I believe that it is a favourable trend for whole community.
7.5
band
ome people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.
5
band
Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices will help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Pollution is a serious global problem although pollution which is caused by traffic is one which it can be tackled. I would agree that the main way of doing this would be to invest in public transport systems. However, there are also other ways.
7
band
Today, many people don't know their neighbours in large city What problems does this cause what can be done about this .
While the population of major cities increases, the traditional neighbourhood values among citizens are deteriorating. People prioritise socializing through social media platforms over spending time with their neighbours due to the impact of social media platforms as well as diversification in megacities and I think, this can be overcome by organizing community events across the neighbourhoods.
5
band
Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness,in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many people feel that younger generation is happier than the older ones however, There are some individuals who are of the thought that adults are more happy then teenagers beside having more responsibilities.I personally feel that life in teens is better.I will discuss both the views in further paragraphs.

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries,owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a possitive or negative situation?

ome people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices will help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today, many people don't know their neighbours in large city What problems does this cause what can be done about this .

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness,in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.