IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?

With a gradual increase in health problems
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy lifestyles, the need for doctors has
also
Linking Words
 risen.
Further
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a limited number of doctors who intend to serve the human
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
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, without the appropriate compensation. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the possible reasons for medical professionals' desire to make more money and refrain from serving rural areas. I shall
also
Linking Words
 highlight a few potential solutions to the issues. To start with, medical professionals go through a rigorous curriculum to achieve their stature. There can be innumerable reasons for doctors'
desiring
Replace the word
desire
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 for money and not visiting the rural areas.
Firstly
Linking Words
, achieving a doctorate requires a
humungous
Use the right word
humongous
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 effort and dedication
Linking Words
besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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 extensive monetary resources. To explain
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
, MBBS is a
long duration
Use the right word
long-duration
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 course, specifically in India, and demands money to pay the fees for each semester.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another reason for the lack of medical professionals in the countryside
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 lies in the fact
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that people belonging to the countryside hold limited or no education, and
hence
Linking Words
 believe in superstitions and myths. To elaborate more, despite medical problems, rural people refrain from visiting a doctor. The issues mentioned above demand serious measures in order to maintain a sustainable ecosystem. A potential solution to the problem related to compensation can be managed at the governmental level. To specify
further
Linking Words
, the policymakers should
subsidize
Change the spelling
subsidise
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 the fees of earning a medical degree, and
also
Linking Words
incentivize
Change the spelling
incentivise
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 medics to serve rural areas. Parallelly, campaigns should be
organized
Change the spelling
organised
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 to educate the rural population about medical
urgencies
Use the right word
emergencies
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 and the significance of visiting a doctor. In conclusion, the reasons mentioned above hold a high degree of severity and raise a matter of concern. Owing to the earnestness of the situation, the proposed resolution is a multifaceted approach and will demand an extensive effort
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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holds
Correct pronoun usage
it holds
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 the capability of
homogenizing
Change the spelling
homogenising
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 the medical care of the country.

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task response
Move ideas with a clear plan. In each paragraph, have one main idea and a small step to prove it.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use simple words like first, then, also, but, however, and finally.
language
Fix very long or hard words. Use short, plain words. Use smaller sentences. Add real examples or facts if you can.
structure
There is a plan to discuss reasons and fixes.
coherence
Link words help flow of the essay.
content
A good list of ideas to fix the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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