IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Your local council have asked locals some suggestions on how to keep the city safer. Write a letter to council. In the letter, you should: - explain what the council can do - what the people can do - tell how the community will benefit by keeping the city safe.

Dear Sir or Madam,
According to
Linking Words
 the survey
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 asked for some suggestions on improving the
Use synonyms
city
Check wording
city's
show examples
safer
Replace the word
safety
show examples
, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to give you some recommendations.
This
Linking Words
 letter mentions
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what the council can do, what local communities can participate
, and
Change preposition
in, and
show examples
 what
can be
Correct word order
apply
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the advantages of having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
city safe
Correct word order
safe city can be
show examples
. First of all, lighting on the roads should be improved as soon as possible, and
this
Linking Words
 is what the council can do and give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priority. As almost all criminal records in the
city
Use synonyms
 occurred at night, particularly in the darker
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 near the
Manhanttan
Correct your spelling
Manhattan
 Road.
Next,
Linking Words
the council can reduce
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
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 rate by supporting children and teenagers both education and
places
Verb problem
providing places
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 to live. Another factor which is necessary to drive
this
Linking Words
project
Check wording
project's
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successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
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 is drawing attention from the local people. Basically,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people can avoid commuting alone at night.
Lastly
Linking Words
, by developing the
city
Use synonyms
, the community will gain several benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can feel more comfortable when travelling at night. Another good example is that people from
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other cities
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city
Use synonyms
 may want to live here because of
safety
Replace the word
a safer
show examples
city
Use synonyms
. I look forward to seeing the improvement of the
Use synonyms
city
Check wording
city's
show examples
safe
Replace the word
safety
show examples
 Sincerely, Jenny Chan

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include clearer points to connect your ideas. Sometimes, it feels like you jump between thoughts. Try to use linking words like 'first,' 'next,' and 'finally' more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down your ideas into clearer parts. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea to make it easier for the reader.
task achievement
Your tone is generally good, but be careful with phrases that may sound unclear or informal, like 'give the priority.' Try saying 'should be prioritized.'
task achievement
Reiterate the benefits to create a stronger conclusion. It is important to let the council know specifically how the changes can help everyone's safety.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both what the council can do and what the locals can do, which is great.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and closing parts of your letter show respect and consideration, which is important in a formal letter.
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