IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

All people should go to university, even if they are not going to use that education In their job. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that a proper
education
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 plays a crucial role in the work environment.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that everybody ought to receive a higher level
education
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 even though they are not going to use what they learned in the
university
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, I strongly agree that
people
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 should receive a proper
education
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 in work requirements because every
job
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 has unique characteristics, and
university
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 tutions are extremely expensive.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that companies seek skilled and trained professionals for their vacant positions. As individuals receive proper
education
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, they can learn specific details and implementations.
As a result
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, they can fulfil the specific
job
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 requirements, which increases their chances of being hired.
For instance
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, plumbers who receive specific training in fixing and maintaining infrastructure have a higher chance of being hired by construction companies, since they are already equipped with the practical skills the
job
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 requires.
Therefore
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, professionals don't have to pursue a higher
education
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they have to receive proper training. Another reason to justify my stance is that receiving a higher
education
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 places considerable pressure on
people
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's finances. As individuals pursuing their higher
education
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, they spend significant
money
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 and
money
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 to obtain a certificate and diploma.
In addition
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, a significant number of
people
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 cannot afford to pay tuition, leading them to go to the bank
,
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apply
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 and ask for a loan for their
university
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 payments.
As a result
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, they not only lose
money
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 but
also
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 start their lives with a huge debt.
For example
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, in the U.S.,
university
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 tuition fees are very expensive, and many
people
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 cannot afford to pay
this
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 huge amount of
money
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, and they only receive a proper training for their
job
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 requirements.
Thus
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, there is a strong link between
money
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 and
education
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that all individuals have to receive a higher
education
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, I firmly maintain that
people
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 need specific
education
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, which enables them to start their lives without a debt burden, and increases their chance of being hired.

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task response
Make your main idea more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you disagree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a very clear way. You talk about job training and cost well, but say more about why university is not needed for all people.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your plumber example is good, but the U.S. example is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and careful way. Sometimes you repeat words like money and proper education too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few parts sound unclear, so make sure each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the first paragraph and keep it to the end.
task response
Your essay answers the question and gives two main reasons.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape: intro, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like for instance, as a result, and in addition help show links between ideas.
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