Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
argue that
people
's
happiness
is affected by some
factors
that they cannot control, while others say that whether
people
will become happy or not depends on themselves. In my opinion, I support the latter opinion because thinking about things positively toward the
future
leads to
happiness
regardless of their richness.
First
, it is often said that an individual's
happiness
is not caused by their own effort since there are some
factors
that
people
can not control. One of the most notable
factors
is a great disaster
such
as an earthquake or an act of terrorism.
For example
, the Great East Japan Earthquake occurred in the eastern part of Japan and the World Trade Center attack happened in New York. These terrible events were unpredictable respectively but dramatically changed the lives of those who had lived happily in the region until
then
.
However
, I believe that an individual's
happiness
depends on their own
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
because positive thinking about the
future
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
happiness
regardless of their richness. Actually, some
people
are not happy even in developed countries,
On the other hand
, there are
people
who live happily even in developing countries. According to the World
Happiness
Ranking 2020 which was announced by United Nations, Vietnam ranked in the top 10th, while Japan is around 30th,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is much lower than Vietnam.
In addition
, one of the
factors
that determine the ranking is whether
people
have expectations for the
future
.
Therefore
, in order to live a happy life, it is important for them to think positively about the
future
. In conclusion,
Although
it is true that the pursuit of
happiness
can be disturbed by uncontrollable incidents, I argue that
happiness
can be brought about by each individual's mindset.
Submitted by k.taka.m.po.u on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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