IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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While
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 some people believe that there is significant harmful content on the internet and the only way that can be safe is if the
government
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 censor the content of websites, I strongly believe that the
government
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 should control only the information
that is
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 harmful to individuals or can commit a crime through regulations. Some countries have censored information from around the world, which cannot help them to open their minds and have more independent intellectual thinking. China is an example of
this
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censorship
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, they cannot access American content because the
government
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 believe can be harmful to their dictatorship and the belief system of the nation. Iran indeed is another country that has strong
censorship
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. Another example of the fact that I aforementioned before is that one girl was imprisoned because she shared a TikTok video dancing.
Furthermore
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, the video was censored because was considered offensive from the
government
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's perspective.
On the contrary
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, other countries have less strong
censorship
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 that can lead to committing crimes through the internet.
For instance
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, in Spain is well-known that different
pedophiles
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paedophiles
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 with Artificial Intelligence make video calls with a child's face so they have access to another child. Different
pedophiles
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paedophiles
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 were caught that could have an in-person meeting to commit the crime. These facts describe the necessity of having regulations and laws that can fight cybercrime.
To conclude
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, it is important to note that
a
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apply
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strong internet
censorship
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 can lead to a
shrink
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shrinking
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 of the right
of
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to
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 information of individuals.
However
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, I strongly believe that laws and regulations are necessary to avoid crimes.

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advice task achievement
Your essay presents relevant examples and ideas, but it could benefit from more detailed arguments in certain parts, particularly in illustrating how governments might regulate harmful content effectively without infringing upon rights. This would enhance the completeness of your response.
advice coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the overall logical flow of your essay is strong, though transitions between paragraphs can be further improved. Linking sentences or phrases at the beginning of paragraphs can help make the essay feel more interconnected.
advice coherence cohesion
Try to consistently ensure that each main point made is sufficiently supported with evidence or examples. In parts of the essay, deeper analysis of examples such as those from China and Iran could strengthen the argumentation and clarity of your points.
highlight task achievement
Your task response is well-organized, addressing the question with a clear stance on the role of government in internet censorship.
highlight coherence cohesion
The essay features a strong introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework around the main points discussed.
highlight task achievement
You effectively incorporated real-world examples that make the argument more relatable and grounded.
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