IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working fora charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

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There are a number of folks
feel
Correct pronoun usage
who feel
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 that
for
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apply
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free social work is supposed to be a required component of secondary
school
Use synonyms
 courses. Looking at one case helping for volunteer organization, upgrading the local society, or giving knowledge about helping to learn physical activities youngsters. I will discuss about pros and cons of
this
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 perspective and give my own opinion on
this
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 subject. 
Firstly
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, let us share some points which support
this
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 position. I learned about sports from
students
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 who were giving their
time
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 freely to a charity. Back
then
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 I enjoyed doing activities and at the perfect
time
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 my old
school
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’s volleyball clubs came to convince me to be a part of them and
that is
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 how I started my main sports life.
Moreover
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, a few years later I became the captain of our team and I had many opportunities coming up next. Playing volleyball made me stronger both physically and mentally.
Afterward
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Afterwards
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, I barely got sick compared with the weak youngster who always got sick at the beginning.
In addition
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, it’s
also
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 made my mind stronger every
time
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 I had trouble my only solution is playing volleyball.
Furthermore
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, I have experienced helping to be a part of the wider community for ages by enrolling in many positions including English teacher for primary
students
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 that lack opportunity. 
On the other hand
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, there are reasons against
this
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 belief. One problem is that secondary
school
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students
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 don’t have a lot of free
time
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 as the saying that high
school
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 decides your life and who you will be in the future. Despite the fact that we lack
time
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, so we need to focus on essentials like studying, working on innovation, or even researching, and if we have to spend
time
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 doing the job without any income
that is
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 not reasonable enough to take the risk. I once got asked to go on a volunteer trip to the countryside of Chiangmai on the week before my final exam and I had made the wrong decision I said yes to them and I felt regrate did that because that was the worst final score I had ever had in my entire life. 
To conclude
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, I am absolutely convinced that every
school
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 curriculum should be given importance to not paid work during the higher
school
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 years,
due to
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 the fact that it is necessary and truly effective.
For instance
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, it’s caused more experiences and for me, I feel proud of myself and extremely grateful every
time
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 I have a chance to help the community and it can make
students
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 understand being a good member of society in the future.

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task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments and provide more depth. While you have shared personal experiences, incorporating more general examples and reasoned arguments would elevate your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow and clarity of your writing.
grammar
Watch out for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word usage. Polishing these areas would lead to smoother and more professional writing.
task achievement
Your personal anecdotes add a unique and engaging touch, making it easier for the reader to connect with your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your discussion of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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