Childhood obesity has become a pressing issue in many societies

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
has become a pressing issue in many societies, with detrimental consequences for the health and well-being of young individuals.
While
Linking Words
there are several
factors
Use synonyms
contributing to
this
Linking Words
occurrence, some argue that the
government
Use synonyms
bears a significant
responsibility
Use synonyms
for the
rise
Use synonyms
in
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree that the
government
Use synonyms
should take the blame solely for the
rise
Use synonyms
in
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
. An argument that supports the idea that the
government
Use synonyms
plays a pivotal role in the
rise
Use synonyms
of
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
is the influence of its policies and programs. Governments have the power to regulate the food industry, implement nutrition standards in schools and support public health initiatives.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to note that the
responsibility
Use synonyms
for children’s health ultimately lies with parents and guardians.
Government
Use synonyms
policies and programs can provide guidelines and support, but they can’t replace individuals’ choices and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
the
government
Use synonyms
can implement measures
such
Linking Words
as promoting healthy school lunches and limiting the marketing of unhealthy foods to children, it cannot control what the children consume outside of school. Another perspective is that
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
is influenced by socioeconomic
factors
Use synonyms
and personal
responsibility
Use synonyms
, rather than solely being the
government
Use synonyms
’s
responsibility
Use synonyms
. Socioeconomic
factors
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as limited access to healthy foods, safe recreational spaces and healthcare services, can significantly impact a child’s risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the
government
Use synonyms
plays a role in addressing
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
through policies and programs, it would be unfair to solely attribute the
rise
Use synonyms
in
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
to governmental actions. By fostering a comprehensive approach that addresses multiple
factors
Use synonyms
, we work towards creating a healthier environment for children and promoting positive lifestyle choices.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument by presenting the topic and outlining your stance. Your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your position without introducing new arguments.
Logical Structure
Your essay has a logical structure, but to enhance it, try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed throughout.
Task Response & Examples
While you established a clear response to the task, your essay would benefit from more specific and varied examples to support your claims. Incorporate statistics, case studies, or references to policies that vividly illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: