IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Some
governments
 want to tax certain types of
food
 due to the number of
people
 with
health
 issues are becoming more common. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement, and
this
 essay will explain the reasons why authorities should difficult the access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fast
food
.
First
 of all,
people
 prefer fast
food
 because is fast and cheap. Usually,
people
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
this
 place when they do not have time enough to eat. Mc Donalds and Burger King are good examples of how these places offer prompt hot meals in a good fair deal. Clearly,
people
 see these restaurants as a good deal.
Moreover
, a good meal is composed
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 carbohydrates, proteins, and
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
, but the options in these restaurants are quite different with more sugar, grass and chemicals.
Therefore
, the number of
people
 with
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 related to fast
food
 has increased in a way that
governments
 need to
interfer
Correct your spelling
interfere
.
Governments
 already have many programs to educate the population about
this
 kind of
food
, but it looks not enough because more and more
people
 are becoming obese.
Furthermore
,
this
 is time
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
 authorities
interfer
Correct your spelling
interfere
 more and create new taxes to difficult
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
go eating fast
food
 as they do with alcoholic drinks.
For example
, if the restaurants decide to sell a soda with
cheeseburger
Add an article
a cheeseburger
the cheeseburger
show examples
, the price could be double just to not encourage
people
 to buy again.
Therefore
,
people
 will not consume in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way that could damage the
health
 of their bodies. To conclude, fast
food
 has
brung
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 more problems to our
health
, and even though
people
 know all the issues to their
health
, they are still consuming because is fast and cheap.
However
,
governments
 could increase the taxes so in
this
 way
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 will
want
Add the particle
towant
show examples
 eat
this
 type of
food
.
Submitted by lele on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: