IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning.

Zoos
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 have been a widely-loved source of entertainment over the
last
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 decades.
However
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, more and more people have been questioning the humanity of housing
animals
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 in small cages just for the amusement of the populace. In my opinion,
zoos
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 are cruel and have no particular reason to keep working.
First
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-of-all,
animals
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 are kept in captivity and away from their natural habitat. For the most part, wildlife is kept in small cages that do not replicate the natural living area. These artificial conditions prevent wild
animals
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 from natural processes like foraging, hunting, and grazing, but
also
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 conditions that
necessary
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are necessary
show examples
 for living, including habitat and relationships with other
species
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.
Secondly
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,
zoos
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 damage public attitudes towards conservation. Unfortunately, keeping
animals
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 in pens makes people believe in their dominance over other
species
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 and lack of necessity to care for them.
Zoos
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 create an impression of wildlife being an exhibit rather than a living creature.
Furthermore
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, attenders do not see a representation of wild
animals
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, because
zoos
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 tend to have a few large and cuddly
species
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.
This
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 view negatively affects people's attitudes and awareness of conservation. In conclusion, the conditions in
zoos
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 and carelessness towards conservation make
zoos
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 cruel and pointless. From my point of view, there needs to be more effort put into preserving wilderness areas and protecting endangered
species
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instead
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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